Women of Affair(s)

Dear women of affair(s),

How did we get here?

We were once strong or we thought we were?

This letter is for you for right where you’re at whether your husband knows or your friends know, whether everybody knows. Whether you’re divorced or soon-to-be-divorced, weather this is the tiniest secret that Has just begun and nobody could even fathom what’s going on in your heart and in your head.

I know.

I know how scary it is, the fact that the same heart that relishes in God’s Spirit can take delight in this little secret that we have.

I know how amazing it is to get attention from that person. Whether it’s a deep well of conversation that your husband has removed from your relationship leaving you parched.

Or if it’s some type of sexual fulfillment. In the form of devotion or acts.

I know. I know the rhythm your heart sings because of him. I know the influx of emotions covering your thoughts as memories are made permanent.

Even the ground of the desert doesn’t mind how bad the storm is if it’s finally getting water.

But amidst this affair I want you to realize that everybody has blind spots, everybody has imperfections. Everything new wears off. Every emotional thrill will one day be mundane.

I know most likely right now you don’t believe that you can be happy with your current spouse, but let me remind you the words of our savior, “Blessed are those who believe what they do not see.” And let me remind you we find what we believe because our actions follow.

Maybe more than lack of a belief is what you’re struggling with, maybe you’re filled with hate.

Before we ever go to man we first go to God. With our hate with our broken hearts.

This isn’t a letter to try to persuade you. This isn’t a letter to force you into guilt. Because unfortunately we all have free will and love is directly linked to free will and who you decide to love is decided by you. Not me, your spouse, best friend, or mom.

Dear woman, I long for your story to join the chorus of other women who have gone before you and let their broken marriages be restored.

I long for restoration to be unity that makes believers stick out among everybody else.

I cannot say enough times that I know this battle.

I’ve known this battle since I was a child and it followed me to the freedom of adulthood tempting to suffocate even my children.

I know what it’s like to be a woman of affairs.

When I was 12 years old I sucked my finger. My parents thought that I would stop by the time I was 12, but I didn’t, and as I was turning in to a young adult I obviously needed braces, but more than braces, I needed to stop sucking my finger.

I remember the male orthodontist telling me in his office. He would not give me braces until I stopped sucking my finger. I couldn’t imagine why he wouldn’t just fix the problem for me?
He then told me a story. He said if there was a leak in a basement and the whole basement was flooding what would we do first?

Would we suck all the water up and replace the furniture first?

Or would we patch up the hole first?

Obviously the answer was we would patch up a hole.

The visual aid in his story really helped me to see that I had to fix the problem.

I had to make the decision the effort was on my part. It was nobody else’s job but mine to ensure I did the right thing.

I wanted a specific outcome, but I didn’t really want to take the actions that would lead to that specific outcome. I didn’t want to put a feel good on hold to handle my let downs.

So let me ask you this, right now what kind of outcome do you want with your relationship between these two people? I don’t mean what do you want right now. I’m not asking you if happiness is what you want right now and to make a decision based on that. I’m asking you what do you want down the road? What do you want to sustain you?

If it’s God, please know that God’s way is restoration.

Because if you can’t let God repair your dead relationship how will you have the eyes and heart to function and see other dead things come to life? How will you grow if death is your sustenance?

Dear women of affairs you possess more than an affair in your clutch.

You’re holding onto a dead marriage. You’re holding onto offense and using it as an excuse to keep this dead thing alive.

I’m praying as these words are written and I hope they change lives and restore marriages.

If you want restoration I wrote I prayer for you to pray right now:

God, I want to hold on to you. I want to give you this dead thing. I know you will not pry it from me. I know your altar is only for free-will offerings. So I give you my marriage, my emotion, my affair. Lead me to those who will tend to the dirt in this garden of me and help me to grow in you. Shield me from those who will destroy me and divert me from your will. I want you God. I want to go deeper with you from here on out. I want change and change comes from you. If I give you death, I know you can give me life. Amen.



***If you are being physically abused and feel as you are not safe, please get help. I’m not encouraging women to stay in a relationship that is life threatening.

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